I’ve been writing this post in my head for the last 10 days now, and it hasn’t got any easier…so much of me wants to rant about the unfairness of life and the tragic loss of my darling friend…but then, that’s not how Selma lived her life, and she was the one battling cancer. She lived her life to the full, she didn’t want to be defined by being ill, so it’s not my job to do that on her behalf. It’s my job to take the lessons she taught me, through her strength and courage, and live by them.
We didn’t focus on her illness when she was here, so I’m not going to do that now that she’s gone. I will put my anger aside and celebrate knowing this wonderful lady; I’m not saying I won’t be crying as I write this, I can’t stop the tears, they just keep coming, but I may also smile through them as I recall the fun we had.
I don’t really recall a time since I started my blog that I didn’t converse with Selma, she was there pretty much from the beginning. Funnily enough she found my blog via a recipe for a meringue cake – if you know me and my food, you’ll know how alien this is – and our communication built up from that point.
Like so many of you have said, I was the lucky one, I got to meet her, on several occasions, and I cherish that and all of those memories. I remember the first time I saw her, walking down the road towards me, I think we started talking then and never really stopped…except to eat great food – only after we had photographed it of course!!!
Many of you have read about our outings before: visiting Borough Market, the Good Food Show and Shepherds Bush, and more recently, Selma’s visit to my home. I loved that so much, she met Bob, I got to share some of my food with her, we pottered round some vintage shops together..it was a lovely lovely day that I am extremely grateful for.
I have learnt so much from Selma, she was a great font of knowledge, and if she didn’t know something, she was a brilliant researcher. I picked her brain on all sorts of subjects but, of course, mainly food based things. We talked and texted on a regular basis and I’m missing seeing her name coming up on my phone.
It was Selma that sparked my current habit of making ready by hand daily. She sent me some dried sourdough starter, granddaughter of Celia’s starter Priscilla and daughter of Selma’s starter Twinkle. She furnished me with complete succinct instructions but still had to coach me through my nerves!!!! And it worked perfectly, I baked my first ever sourdough loaf and loved it! I’ve been making bread for the household daily as a result, sometimes using the same sourdough starter, sometimes with fresh yeast.
I’ve loved and do love every one of Selma’s blogs posts, I loved her chat as well as her food, telling us all about her beautiful boy, Jake, and I have created a list of her recipes that I will be making. I urge you to have a good look round and save some recipes to make; do check out her most recent posts too as the recipes are not listed in the index yet. And read about Selma and her life in her words. And check out her page full of accolades, she really was a brilliant cook – even if she didn’t know it!!
Right now I am focussing on being grateful for knowing such a lovely lady, rather than focussing on her loss. I hope she would love what we are doing at Fiesta Friday for her (she was the one that introduced me to Angie and then FF after all) and that we can party and celebrate our blog sister. I know Selma has been in touch with so many of you and that she has created great friendships with so many of our blog community, we will all miss seeing her at our weekly blog party and visiting our blogs. She was such a supportive, encouraging and kind lady, she was definitely one in a million. I will miss her comments on my bog as well as our interaction in person and on every social media platform we shared, but I also love that she is still alive through all of these sites, that we can still see her 🙂
We don’t start our blogs expecting to make special friends so when it happens, it is a wonderful surprise and such a gift. Over the past week and a half, the love and support that has been shared between so many of us has made my heart want to burst.
This is what Selma has given us, the wonderful gift of love and sharing xx
Oh my goodness I had no idea. What a beautiful post. I can only imagine how hard it was to write but you have done the very best of jobs writung this thoughtful, perfectly crafted amazing tribute to your very dear friend. Sending lots of love.
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Thank you so very much, Tabitha xxxxx
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Such a beautiful tribute to our beautiful friend… And I know she wouldn’t want us left with heavy hearts…
I know, with time, our happy memories of Selma will ease our sadness.
Selma would be so pleased with this wonderful tribute to her… And I can see her gorgeous smile with delight that a Fiesta Friday has been celebrated in honor of her.. ❤️
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You are so right, she wouldn’t want us to be unhappy, but it’s hard not to be 😦
Thank you so much darling Prudy xx
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Such a beautiful tribute to a dear friend. Saddened by the news.
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Thank you xx it’s so sad isn’t it Debi?
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Am going to dedicate my next IMK post to her. I never met her (except through blogging), but she seemed such an upbeat, creative and loving person. yes, it is sad …
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She was 🙂 that sounds perfect xx
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Such a beautiful tribute to a lovely lady. sending you lots of hugs and kisses my dear friend I know how hard this has been for you Xoxoxox
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Thank you so much lovely Diana xxx
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I have no words. The photos of you two together are simply wonderful….
a warm hug going your way, I am really at a loss of what to say
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Thank you Sally xxxx
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Sorry for your loss. May her memories live on in you and those who a have come to know her through you. (Hugs)
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Thank you so much, that’s lovely x
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You’re welcome. 🙂
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What a beautiful tribute to your dear friend. She sounds like a wonderful lady. It is amazing the people that we connect with through our blogs. And like you said, it can change life for the better. Sending healing vibes your way, Elaine! 🙂
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Thank you so much Anita xx
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Thank you for sharing! xx 🙂
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I think my heart becomes heavier and heavier each day. I didn’t even know that you will miss someone you haven’t met before so badly and you will spend so much heartache and tears losing her. This is such a beautiful post, Elaine. Selma would be very much happy with every word you said. xx
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Thank you, darling Jhuls, I hope so xxxx
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A really, really beautiful post Elaine, I know how much she especially meant to you, giving you big hugs x
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Thank you so much Justine xx
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Oh Elaine,you were one of the lucky ones to know Selma. I remeber reading of your adventures together and hoped I could meet Selma in the Uk or here in the US as we often dreamed about. Thank you for this very personal tribute where I got to know Selma better. The tears are flowing through the fond rembrances and the smiles of having been at Selma’s Table.
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Thank you so much, Johanne, it’s so lovely to share it all again. She was truly a lovely lady xxx
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So sorry for your loss, Elaine. Anyone who knew her from her blog cannot help but feel a void now, let alone someone like you, who made such deep personal connection.. 😦
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Thank you so much xx
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It is so sad about Selma. I miss her too. Emma xx
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xxxx
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I never new Selma personally. However I did chat to her a lot about food etc… on line. It is a great tragedy.
I’m opening surreyKitchen up to guest bloggers if you would like to write a post one day. There is no rush. Just let me know if you would be interested in the future. Take care. Emma xx
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Thank you, Emma, that would be lovely xx let me know what type of post you want xx
Might be easier to email: foodbod@icloud.com
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And yes, a great tragedy 😦 x
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Wonderful, and I’m so glad to see the up front photos of you and Selma together, smiling. Indeed you are have lucky to have met her in the flesh and blood, I really wish I could have! I loved reading her comments to you about coming to your home and seeing your kitchen, about your dips and such. Awesome post Elaine!
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Thank you so much, lovely Sue xx and look what she has given us ❤ xx
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How lucky are you to have spent time with the lovely Selma!!! Those memories are precious, and I am glad you get to keep them, Elaine. You are so right, we should celebrate her grace, not her illness. 🙂
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We must, it’s hard, but I feel we really must xx
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It is amazing how many people she touched through her grace, kindness and support. My heart is sore but full from reading all of the experiences that our blogging friends have of her. She truly had a wide reach and will be missed but not forgotten. Thank you Elaine for sharing your memories and wonderful pictures!
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It is so amazingly isn’t it? She conversed with so many people in so many ways, and was so supportive and lovely, there is so much to celebrate in the midst of our loss xx
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This is simply beautiful, Elaine. I loved reading every last word. You and Selma had a special bond and I know that isn’t broken with her passing. She is smiling down on all of us right now. 💕
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Thank you, lovely Patty xxx I hope so 🙂
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Such a beautiful post, Elaine, you had me in tears as I read it this morning, but in a kind of good way if that makes any sense at all – sad news but expressed in such a lovely way, and I love the Selma fiesta idea as well. It is so nice you got to know her so well, and I understand what a painful loss it must be.
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Thank you so much, Caroline xxx
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This is such a heartwarming post. The news of her passing is heartbreaking, but I am glad that she has left such a legacy and that you have all these wonderful, personal memories to treasure and share. My thoughts are with Selma’s family and friends, including you of course, lovely. She will be missed ❤
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She will be 😦 I love that her blog lives on though, it’s such a wonderful blog, and I feel that I can see her there any time of any day xx
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These precious memories are now treasures, Elaine, that live in your heart and will continue to give you comfort. How beautifully you express the depth of your friendship and affection for each other. Selma, I believe, is smiling down on you. She’s your guardian angel. XOXO
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Thank you so much, Angie, I hope she would like what I’ve written. I hope she is loving this tribute and smiling down on us all xxx
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What a wonderful tribute to a dear friend of yours…I am sorry that I never got a chance to ‘meet’ Selma and will read through the post-links you’ve provided to learn a little bit about her and how much she meant to so many fellow bloggers. Well wishes to you and all Selma’s friends and family…
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Thank you so much Linda, I hope that you are able to see what a lovely lady Selma was and what a wonderful blogger she was xx
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I checked out her blog as well as your posts about her…she’s seems to have been a very lovely person and I’m sure she will be missed greatly.
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She really really was Linda, and I miss her so much already xx
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Great post and lovely pictures.
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Thank you 🙂
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Elaine, I’m sure she would be very happy to know that you loved her so much. “Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.” Louis Stevenson. Hugs xx
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That’s lovely, thank you, Linda xxx
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What a beautiful tribute and post Elaine. Such respect and acknowledgment of Selma and her skill. I trawled back threw her site the other night and realised that I had commented on many of her posts that were so impressive. It’s so difficult to come to terms with such loss but sadly we must. Have you considered putting together an ebook of her recipes? I know they are on the blog but everything collated into one spot, especially, with her gorgeous photos would be lovely. Take care and cherish your memories.
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I have thought about a book of her recipes, and I would like to talk to Jake about that, but in time, it’s too soon yet.
There’s so many lovely posts on her blog isn’t there? I keep reading and rereading them, it keeps her with me xxx
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And thank you for your lovely words xxx
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Yes, time will lead to all sorts of lovely acknowledgements happening. Forgive my *threw*, bloody predictive txt! 🙂
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Ha ha! No worries, happens to all of us 🙂 x
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❤ xxx a beautiful tribute from a very good friend
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Thank you xxx
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What a sincere post from a good friend who really had a chance to know Selma. She was obviously more than just a blogging friend from your stories and pictures. I agree with you – I am focusing on being happy that I knew Selma and what she shared with me and not her loss. You love your starter as much as I do and through this kind gesture of Selma’s we will always remember her.
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We will 🙂 thank you for your lovely words xx
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I have been thinking of Selma for the last three days since I heard the news. was thinking of you, Elaine, at the same time. I was shocked and saddened, but at the same time, I was visualizing the photos of two of you together in adventure, which I envied and wished to be with you. I’m glad you made the memories to reflect on and celebrate knowing her. Selma will be missed. 🙂
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She will be so missed, Fae, she already is 😦
Thank you for your lovely words and thoughts xx
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Elaine, I hope you are doing ok. This is a lovely tribute and though I’ve not ever met Selma I got to know her through your words and photos. I’m thinking of you both.
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Thank you so very much xx
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Oh Elaine, I only just read this now and am truly shocked. This is a touching tribute for such a beautiful and talented woman. I know that you and Selma had a very special connection and that you will miss her very much. And we in the blogging community will miss her sophisticated, knowledgeable posts. Since I have started blogging 2 years ago, I have looked upon her as a cornerstone of the food blogging world. I shall miss her too.
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Julianna, I am so sorry that you found out the sad news this way 😦 it is so incredibly sad isn’t it? I still can’t believe she’s gone. I’m so glad that everyone has such wonderful memories of her though xx
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Elaine, as soon as I learned about Selma’s demise, I hopped to your blog, knowing that you were one of the bloggers closest to her, geographically and otherwise. So nice to see that you have so many memories to treasure. As we continue our blogging journey, I hope to be inspired by many more people like her! *hugs*
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Me too, Apsara, she was so wonderful xx thank you xx
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I didn’t know Selma well, only from our Fiesta Friday, but I thought of her warmly. She was always very supportive of my blog. She reminded me of an Aunt, a family member. She seemed to have that type of personality …where you just felt like she was family. I wish that I had a chance to get to know her better. I had no idea that she was ill. I was so saddened to find out of her passing. What a beautiful post on a beautiful friendship Elaine. Thank you so much for sharing! ❤
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Thank you, Arl, your description of Selma is so true, she did feel like one of the family. It’s still all so sad and hard to believe that she’s gone. Thank you for your lovely words xx
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So beautiful and so true Elaine! Selma would have loved your post, you two had a very special connection from day 1. Yes, you were one of those fortunate enough to have met on several occasions. The pictures definitely portray that bond you both shared. I can only imagine what a void this must feel for you now, thanks so much for bringing us all together in the spirit of Selma, you’ve been courageous through it all. Thanks also for your voice mails and your messages, they were extremely comforting. I spent an entire day writing those two posts for the tribute, playing songs and sifting through her emails and her blog. It was my way of honoring her, and truly this has been wonderful reading through everyone’s posts. She was indeed a remarkable lady, never to be forgotten. Oh, and p.s. just love your dimples :))
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Thank you so much for your lovely words, Loretta, I keep reading through Selmas blog too, her voice is right there in her words xxx ps thank you 🙂 x
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I’m sorry for your loss Elaine. I can tell by the pictures that you were both truly friends. She has obviously left many beautiful memories in all the lives she touched.
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I think she has 🙂 she was lovely xx
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My heart burst reading your post. I knew Selma as well, but never met her in person. She was a beautiful soul and you were so incredibly lucky to have known her. Your words are a wonderful tribute to her life. Sending hugs xoxo
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Thank you so much, she touched so many people xxx
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This was such a beautiful post Elaine, I can only imagine how hard it was for you to write, especially considering how hard it was for me to read. Celebrating her life and the friendship you shared is definitely the best way, even when you want to curse life for being so unfair!
I know you will cherish all the memories you have with her. Much love xxx
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I really will 🙂 thank you so much Michelle xxx
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Thank you for organizing the tribute to Selma. It’s clear to see that she was deeply loved by everyone she touched through her words and deeds.
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She was 🙂 thank you xx
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This is such a beautiful tribute Elaine to your dear friend. She brought warmth and kindness into the hearts of so many people and for that she will be remembered and treasured always. There are a number of Selma’s recipes on my incredibly long bookmark list – I will think of her fondly when I find a moment to make them.
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That’s lovely, thank you xx
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Such a beautiful post Elaine and I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s lovely to see you and Selma in the photos and to know she was living life to the full and will continue through these moments, memories and her recipes. xxx
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Thank you, and it really will, she lives on with us xx
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Pingback: Can you hear me…, Selma? | The Novice Gardener
Oh my, I had no idea, how very very sad, I love Selma’s blog, I loved you blogs on her and her on you, what a tragedy but what a wonderful tribute to her, it’s hard to imagine she isn’t there any more
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I know, it’s so sad isn’t it? How can she not be here??? I find it incomprehensible 😦
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Yes it is – I had no idea of course and it is wonderful that she has friends writing her a tribute, I hope this provides some happiness to her family as well, even if we are a virtual community and many of us did not know her physically she was a real presence in our lives – she will be sorely missed, I am so glad to know what happened though, sometimes when people whose blogs you read stop writing you wonder what happened to them I have even tried to find out on one occasion, so it is better to know and to be able to say goodbye to a virtual friend
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I completely agree. Our virtual friends are with us daily and when they suddenly go quiet, it can be worrying.
I’m sorry you had to find out this way xx
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have been looking through her wonderful blog and reading some of her recipes and her stories about her heritage etc. 😦 such a beautiful spirit
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So beautiful 🙂 and I love that through her blog, she lives on x
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yes I love that too, despite all the comments one may get about virtual friends online only being virtual a blog presence is more than just a singular waste of time – and it stays as a tribute – also family members can still go back and read about their loved ones thoughts in a way you couldnt have done in times gone by
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I’ve had that discussion only today, and Selma and I discussed it at length: our blog friends are like modern day pen pals. And sometimes we converse more with our blog pals than our non virtual friends, we often share things on a daily basis, so what constitutes a friend? To me you don’t have to meet someone in person for them to be a friend x
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so true – I actually do converse more frequently with some of my blogging friends then I do with my non virtual friends and we do share things on a daily basis AND we have similar interests – I think modern day pen pal sums it up well
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And I love it!! I love all my blog buddies, you are all so important to me xx
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I feel the same way!
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I really am sorry you found out like this, I tried to tell as many people in person as I could xx
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Thank you very much, however I am glad I found out at all, I am glad you posted a tribute to Selma as did others and I am glad that she will live on in our thoughts and her blog –
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Me too xx
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I am only now just catching up on this news. I’m so sad, and I know you are too. I’m very glad you were able to connect with her several times and learn more of her gifts.
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Thank you, Susan, I was so lucky xx
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i had no idea elaine until today as I have not been as active on the blog. so sorry to hear about her demise. She seemed lovely. x
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She was xxx
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