As lots of you already know, I don’t eat sweet things; that doesn’t mean that I don’t make them, I do, I just don’t eat them. I love seeing all of your wonderful cakes and pastries and sweet creations and I bookmark lots of them for my family, I’m sorry I do to eat them myself, I can assure you that this has not always been the case!
Up until a couple of years ago, I could work my way through as much chocolate as the next person, if not more! I never just ate one bar of chocolate, I mean, they’re so small!!! I used to buy boxes of chocolates in October, all ready for gifts and consumption at Christmas, eat them all by November and end up buying them all again…and eating them all again!!! I ate bags and bags of those little Lindt eggs at Easter. I ate chocolate cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner on my 18th birthday. I’ve stood with a spoon and a jar of Nutella and worked my way through it. I guess you get the picture, I absolutely DID eat chocolate…this post from Facebook in 2009 tells the story all on it’s own:
And not just chocolate, sweets and cakes and pasties, all of those wonderful things :)
You get the picture I’m sure. I’ve eaten my share of chocolate and sweet foods and desserts and everything! And now, I eat none of them and I don’t miss it. But this wasn’t me jumping on the current anti sugar bandwagon, it wasn’t and isn’t some moral decision, I am not here to preach in any way, I live in a house full of boxes of chocolates and sweets that my husband and son eat (more my husband than my son!!), there was a completely different reason this has all occurred…
My darling deceased best friend Caroline also loved chocolate, I mean she LOVED chocolate, even more than me! When Caroline was diagnosed with cancer and about to start chemotherapy, she was scared, she didn’t know what to expect and I wanted to do something to show some support, make some sacrifice, something silly to make her laugh, so I gave up chocolate. I said I wouldn’t eat it again until she was well again, which she thought was mad, she told everyone, but she also loved the sentiment.
She never got well again.
I’ve never eaten chocolate again.
And I never will.
As time passes, I realise that this is just another gift that Caroline has given me; I could never actually eat chocolate and truly enjoy it as I was too busy attacking myself for eating it at all and now I no longer live that cycle of eating too much and berating myself for it; I now spread Nutella on Ben’s toast and don’t even want to lick the knife; I bake chocolate muffins without even licking my fingers; and my mind remains my friend. It’s such a freedom, I can’t fully put it into words. You have to understand my food past and the journey I’ve been through, it’s taken me a very long time to be able to fully enjoy my food without guilt. It’s such a gift to now be able to.
My life changed dramatically after Caroline died, I gained lots of perspective on many aspects of my life, and during that time I finally found my peace with food and as a part of that I removed more and more things from my diet that I really just didn’t want to eat any more, including anything sweet, I just lost the taste for it, and I finally found my current happiness with food and with myself and my body.
I can’t even eat a dried cranberry or a date now without wincing, they’re so sweet!! I’ve become a ‘savoury’ person, which I never ever thought I would be.
So, this is the story of why I don’t eat chocolate. And the reason I continue not to eat sugar at all, in any way, in anything except the odd bit of fruit, is because of everything I have now read about sugar and how it affects your body and controls your mind. I know how much it screws with MY brain and how it can affect every other food decision I make; Ben has done some cooking at school and nearly every recipe has been something sweet and of course, I’ve been a good Mum and tried all of his creations, and I’ve immediately felt the impact of the sugar; sugar literally removes my hard-worked-for peace of mind, and it has the ability to remove any sensible decisions about I might make about food, and I don’t want that.
This is why I do not eat sugar and it’s become my choice for my peace of mind and for the benefit of my body, and remains that way because my tastes have now completely changed, but it all began because my darling friend didn’t get better xx